Wish Upon A Star Snippet

This snippet is a little more heavy, but it might intrigue a few of you to wonder what's up and what is up with Fiona's past that makes her fear so much *winks*

By the way, I found out I love writing in first person! Thus, Wish Upon A Star is currently being written in first person, and I'm enjoying it a lot! 

So, with no further ado, this a snippet from Chapter Five which is tilted "Always Some Kind of Battle"

[This scene opens up with Fiona's mother beckoning her into the barn]

 “C’mon, hon, let’s go.”

I squinted past her to where Lizzy hovered over an unconscious Wanderlust. My heart paused its beating and seemed to send crawling insects up and down my insides. I shook my head and barely looked at my mother, and backed away. “Not yet,” I whispered, feeling my eyes glazing over. I spun on my heel and sprinted off in the direction of the pastures.

Momma didn’t call to stop me. I was glad. I tumbled up the trails towards the ravines off Dreamland’s property. My ankles twisted over rocks, but I ignored the pain and pushed onward. My left knee cried out everytime I landed, and a few times it doubled inward and made me screech. But I shoved myself to my feet again and continued to run over the notches in the trail. I tripped over my own feet and sprawled onto the muddy path. There I lay amongst the frothing rivulets of rain run-off. My hair clumped up with mud, and rain streaked down onto my face. I closed my eyes and let the drops sting my cheeks and runnel into my clothes.

I stretched my limbs out into odd angles and breathed deep the smell of leaves saturated with water. I listened to the thunder of rain against the ground, and wondered why there was always some kind of battle with my Past―with the Memories―with what I wondered would be my Destiny. 

I wondered why I would always end up contradicting my wishes because of Fear. Fear of Death. Fear of Abandonment. Fear of Loss. 

Fear had taken over my life. It wasn’t because of feeling like I was betraying Jay if I fell in love again, it was that the Fear betrayal was real and true kept stifling my hopes and dreams. Stuff like that. I turned every mental corner, and Fear was crouching there with a peppermint stick, saying, “I’m okay to trust. I’ll keep your consciousness safe. Here’s a candy.”

Only, once I put my lips around the candy, Fear stood up and took hold of my heart with cold fingers that felt like daggers. Then it would say, “You trusted me. Now your thoughts are poisoned with me. You thought I’d keep you safe by keeping the things you lost to Death safe from betrayal. That was a lie. Moving on with your life is a good thing. Ha. I’ll make sure you can’t escape.”

I knew what I had to do to get away from Fear. I had to stop licking the candy, stop feeding Lies with the thought I could betray the one I loved by trusting God in the things I didn’t know, or by moving on and finding a new beloved. 

I just . . . never dropped the candy. I never stopped the Lies. And here I lay, collapsed in a muddy path amongst miles of grass and trees, fearing the death of another thing I’d tried so hard to Love after so long of Nothing. 

I wanted Someone to take away the Memories so I might be able to Live and have Life.

Do any of you guys know what Fiona truly needs and what she needs to let go? If you have an inkling, tell me in the comments below! *grins* See y'all on Wednesday! 

~Izzy~