"Even in My Tears, I Run"
I was sitting at my desk, preparing to continue to write Hero's Victory (finally reached over 40,000 words!!!! *SQUEAK*), when the song I'm listening to switches from Sarah Reeves singing "I love You" to a rapper, Kirk Franklin, who is saying:
"Listen, I'll be honest with You
There's so many things that You allow that I sometimes question
How You feel about me, I know how I feel about You
But the things that You allow
It's very hard to trust Your heart when I can't see Your hand
But as I dig deeper and remember that I was created to love You
Even when I wanna run from You
The love I have for You pulls me back
Since I was a little boy, I've been chasing You as You've been chasing me
And here I am now
Even with my limp I'll run
Even in my tears I'll run
Because I'm running after You 'cause I'm so in love with You
I mean, I'm desperately, crazy, fanatically in love with You
Because I can think of how lost I was
And how incredible You were
To take me in and make me like You
Man, I'm not there yet
But I'm still running, let's go"
As I'm listening to this, I realize how true his words are. So true are Kirk Franklin's words it brought the feeling of tears to my throat and my eyes. On the 9th, I am headed into my month-long stay at the hospital for my stem cell rescue. I have very intense chemo for a week and then recovery the rest until my immune system, which will have been wiped out, comes back. There is lots of pain, side-effects, mouth sores, the inability to eat, and I am feeling so much dread, so much fright, and I am realizing I haven't been involving God in this area of my life like I wish I would. The words in this song rang a bell in my mind.
Yes, there are things in this world that I question. "Why, if God loves me, is He allowing this to happen?" Even though I might not have an answer to that question, I choose to chase after the Lord even when I am crying, limping, or hurting, even when I'm questioning His goodness, because even in my questioning, I know He is a good, good Father. Because the best Person to wipe away my tears, heal my hurt, and straighten my limp is Jesus. I will run to Him to be covered with His feathers (Psalm 91:4). I will run to say, "I love You! I need You!" And to be comforted. Because I believe it is NOT His will that there is suffering in this yucky world.
I will read my Bible and Jesus Calling. Because I know Jesus loves us SO MUCH and the Bible and good devotionals help me feel close to the Lord. Trust me, they do!
From now on, I am going to run to Jesus and stay beside Him, because I know He will not leave me. In fact, if I'm not the one chasing after Him, He's the One chasing after me.
~Izzy~
"Listen, I'll be honest with You
There's so many things that You allow that I sometimes question
How You feel about me, I know how I feel about You
But the things that You allow
It's very hard to trust Your heart when I can't see Your hand
But as I dig deeper and remember that I was created to love You
Even when I wanna run from You
The love I have for You pulls me back
Since I was a little boy, I've been chasing You as You've been chasing me
And here I am now
Even with my limp I'll run
Even in my tears I'll run
Because I'm running after You 'cause I'm so in love with You
I mean, I'm desperately, crazy, fanatically in love with You
Because I can think of how lost I was
And how incredible You were
To take me in and make me like You
Man, I'm not there yet
But I'm still running, let's go"
As I'm listening to this, I realize how true his words are. So true are Kirk Franklin's words it brought the feeling of tears to my throat and my eyes. On the 9th, I am headed into my month-long stay at the hospital for my stem cell rescue. I have very intense chemo for a week and then recovery the rest until my immune system, which will have been wiped out, comes back. There is lots of pain, side-effects, mouth sores, the inability to eat, and I am feeling so much dread, so much fright, and I am realizing I haven't been involving God in this area of my life like I wish I would. The words in this song rang a bell in my mind.
Yes, there are things in this world that I question. "Why, if God loves me, is He allowing this to happen?" Even though I might not have an answer to that question, I choose to chase after the Lord even when I am crying, limping, or hurting, even when I'm questioning His goodness, because even in my questioning, I know He is a good, good Father. Because the best Person to wipe away my tears, heal my hurt, and straighten my limp is Jesus. I will run to Him to be covered with His feathers (Psalm 91:4). I will run to say, "I love You! I need You!" And to be comforted. Because I believe it is NOT His will that there is suffering in this yucky world.
I will read my Bible and Jesus Calling. Because I know Jesus loves us SO MUCH and the Bible and good devotionals help me feel close to the Lord. Trust me, they do!
From now on, I am going to run to Jesus and stay beside Him, because I know He will not leave me. In fact, if I'm not the one chasing after Him, He's the One chasing after me.
~Izzy~
I want you to know that I will pray for you, Izzy. The Lord is always there for us in the time of trouble. All He asks is that we pray and have faith in His power. Thank you for reminding us that we all need to run beside Jesus.
ReplyDelete~Elate
Thanks for this post. God is always with us, and He will never leave or forsake us.
ReplyDeleteThis is so true! Thank you Izzy for reminding us that we always need to keep Jesus right beside us. It's easy for us to do this in the easy times, but when we are hurting or feel like our world is turning upside down, it is harder to trust in God. This is when our faith gets stronger. I'm realizing now that this is exactly what I need to do in my life. I need to trust God when life is easy so my faith will stand when things get rough. Stand strong, Izzy! God will see you through this!!
ReplyDeleteIn my prayers always,<3
Sami
Oh and what's the name of the song? I'd like to listen to it :)
ReplyDeleteAMEN!!! ❤❤❤
ReplyDeleteYes, God is so good! Even in the hurt, the tears, the pain, He is good. AND HE LOVES US. I'm so thankful He provided that song right when you needed it.
ReplyDelete(And congrats, BTW, on reaching 40,000 words in your novel! I've been writing for years and STILL haven't reached that mark . . . the farthest I've gotten is a little short of 14,000 words. 😉)
I'll be continuing to pray for you, sweet friend! You are never alone.
Right on!!
ReplyDeleteWhen I got shuffle on my playlist, especially when I'm wrestling with something, I ask the Lord to take control of the music selection. He has never failed me in this.
Your words, Kirk Franklin's words, and the Spirit of faith are evidence of God's Spirit.
Between the age of 0 and 20, I underwent multiple hospitalizations and surgeries. Each time my parents sent me to the O.R. to have major surgery. Their fear, my fear, and separation from my brother. It was never easy. And then, 2 days to a week of recovery - only to face the questions and stares of my classmates because of the scars and stiches on face.
At the age of 12, I spent 10 days in the hospital - with patches over both eyes, I had to stay flat on my back the entire time. I was bored, lonely, and bored. My parents could visit, but my 9 year old brother could not. I missed him.
I didn't face what you are about to face. I didn't have mouth sores, and my condition was not life threatening. But, I want you to know that you are not alone, and people understand.
You have Jesus, and he has you!
Words spoken from a heart after God, may you feel His loving arms around you now more than ever and my He heal your body and lift you up restored and new, you are loved and many are praying for you ❤️🙏
ReplyDeleteIzzy,
ReplyDeleteYou are loved! Praying our God in heaven will give you strength through this scary time. He has you in his arms. He will help you through and give you strength. You are loved! Praying every day for you!
Angel McCoy
You are writing wisdom, sweetie! I agree that if we are not chasing him, HE WILL chase us! It’s kinda like parents and grand parents. If those kids are running away, we chase after them, because we love them so much! (And we want them to be safe in our arms!). We don’t understand why everything happens, but we can trust in our Savior! Love you sweetie! ❤️
ReplyDeleteYou are brave beyond words. You are the SHERO of your story. Thank you for sharing your heart.
ReplyDeleteYou are brave beyond words. You are the SHERO of your story. Thank you for sharing your heart.
ReplyDeleteI pray for sweet Peace and strength for you, wonderful girl. Be a warrior. Stay God's Girl. 100s of prayers are continually lifting you up.
ReplyDeleteLove,
Ms. Kristi (from your toddlerhood) ❤️